Greg and I had been dating for one day shy of 2 months when his niece and nephew were murdered.
We were shoved abruptly out of our honeymoon phase straight into a terrible Lifetime movie.
And suddenly, I didn't know my role.
If you've ever met Greg's parents, then you already know you're family in their book. I've not met more loving, generous, accepting humans. Need a ride to the airport? A hot meal? Something fixed? A visit in the hospital? A place to stay? To be prayed for? Some Biblical wisdom? To feel loved? You call Pat and Carol. I seriously scored in the in-law department with the Murphy's, and actually refer to them as my "in-love's". So they'd already welcomed myself, 11-year-old Jasper and 4-year-old Teiley into their family.
But their only grandchildren had just been taken from them. And while I've not actually had this conversation with them so I'm totally theorizing, I imagine the best way they knew to protect themselves from further anguish was to put a wall up with me and my kids, who were not yet a "sure thing" as far as staying in their lives. To be honest, I'm not even sure they knew that was happening.
The difference was noticeable. I was suddenly allowed only at arm's length, and it was painful. But it was understandable. I've never once felt anger over that, but I didn't know how to fit into this family now, this family who was grieving so heavily over children I hadn't had the privilege of knowing.
Within the week, Greg and his sister Kristie joined their parents and Eric for the memorial service. I felt completely disconnected from Greg and that was really difficult for me. I'm a quality time kind of gal, and to be separated from Greg during something so painful for him was awful. I knew it wasn't about me, but I was struggling for sure. This was definitely a growing opportunity to be less selfish and put the needs of Greg over my own.
Nighttime was the worst. Greg was busy with family hundreds of miles away, and I was alone once the kids were in bed. This was around the time the book "Heaven is for Real" came out, and I lost myself in the story of young Colton Burpee's journey to heaven and back. It wasn't an easy read for me, though. Envisioning his parents in the hospital as he was in surgery, them fearing their little boy was dying was just too much. I cried out to God. I needed to feel Him with me.
I turned the page and BAM.
Do you remember this story? This painting of Jesus was done by an 8 year old girl who lived across the world from Colton. Months later, after his life was saved through prayer and skilled surgeon's hands, he told his dad that this was a picture of the Man who was with him during his surgery.
*goosebumps*
And as soon as I saw this picture, my heart breathed a deep sigh of relief. A peace I couldn't explain washed over me. I knew the Lord saw me. I knew He was there. He heard me, He answered my prayer, and I drifted off to sleep.
I didn't know my role in the Murphy family as a whole, but I could be there for Greg.
I've never shied away from others' pain. My own sometimes, sure. But sitting with someone else who is hurting is a comfortable space for me. It's a blessing and a curse. I'm not afraid to cry with someone who's hurting. I'm not afraid to just be quiet with someone who's hurting. So I knew how to be someone he could lean on during this time. It wasn't about me or my needs, it was about how I could make a horrifying situation a little less horrifying for a man I already loved.
So when he asked me to go to Colorado with him to meet his brother just weeks after the kids' deaths, I nervously said yes. I was honored to be asked to join him.
I remember feeling excited to go on a trip with Greg, but so sad over the situation. Eric met us at the airport and grabbed Greg in a big bear hug while I stood awkwardly by. I wiped the tears from my eyes watching the brothers reunite, and waited to see how Eric would approach me before I made a move. He turned to me and pulled me into a bear hug too. I melted into him and we both cried.
We all got to the car and Eric drove us to a cool little restaurant. I made an inappropriate joke on the way - I wish I could still remember it - and Eric laughed heartily. He turned to Greg and declared, "I like her."
I was so incredibly humbled that Eric would be brave enough during such an agonizing time to welcome someone new into his world. Greg and I spent a few days with him, my first time in Colorado. We hung out with his best friends, spending several nights around a bonfire playing Words With Friends. He took us to where Liam and Madigan were buried, and showed us the new headstone that had been installed. Being there was overwhelming. The cemetery itself was beautiful, perched high on a hill, overlooking all of Castle Rock. We cried together. I stepped back and gave both Greg and Eric time with the kids. We were quiet.
On our way back to where we were staying, we drove by the prison where his ex-wife was being held until trial. Eric was understandably battling intense anger towards her, and seeing the prison itself caused a visceral reaction. Emotions were high throughout our trip, but when our trip came to a close, I left feeling like I'd just gained the big brother I'd always wanted.
So I was incredibly excited when Eric made the decision to move to Seattle not long after.
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