#myproject41 4/365: Greg: An Answered Prayer (Part 1)

They often say you'll find love when you're not looking for it. Whoever "They" is. 

But I've found that to be true. Both times I found a big love in my life, I wasn't on the hunt. Both times I was following the path I'd felt the Lord laid out ahead of me and just followed in faith step-by-step.

Both situations have turned out very differently. And while I don't believe at all that divorce was in the Lord's perfect plan for my life - that was the natural result of two young, sinful humans choosing themselves over and over instead of choosing God and each other - I do see how He allowed the painful lessons I learned during my first marriage to create a healthier relationship the second time around. 

So I am grateful for every painful lesson.

When I met Greg, I wasn't looking for him. At all. 

I'd been single for a couple years by that point, and I honestly felt pretty adequate as a Single Mama - more so than I ever have a wife. (That goes for now, too, but that's probably a topic for another day.) I think the mere fact that I was shouldering the weight of raising two kids on my own made everything I did feel Super Hero-esque. I knew I wasn't perfect. I knew I wasn't totally nailing it every day and still making mistakes, but somehow, I felt a lot less pressure to do everything perfectly as a Single Mama. I kind of felt like I had it handled. Not alone, exactly - I'd built a strong community of Single Mamas and other people who had my back, and I leaned hard on Jesus. But I felt like I was doing my best, and it was enough.

I'd done a lot of hard emotional and mental work to get to a place of feeling content with life with just my kids. I had surrendered some things to the Lord: unhealthy ways I'd coped with pain; my dreams, my goals. I felt strongly that I'd be married again one day, but I knew it wasn't time yet and I was finally good with that. 

On my super tight budget though, my mode of transportation was a constant thorn in my side. I was blessed and grateful to be the recipient of a free-to-me car, but the thing about free cars is, people don't usually gift new, reliable ones! I joked that I was where cars came to die, because I ended up going through more than one of them in just a matter of a couple years.

Sometimes, just when things were going pretty smoothly and I felt like I was doing a good job, my car would die. Inexplicably, and without warning. It was quite humbling and overwhelming when this would happen, and every time it did, I experienced a massive emotional meltdown. It was as if the car breaking down represented my entire existence, and the feelings of helplessness and abandonment that inevitably came with that were often too much for me.

It was during one such meltdown that I was texting a friend who lived out of state. My Blazer sat useless in my parking stall, and with no foreseeable way to pay for a mechanic, I'd been several days at the mercy of needing others to give my kids and I rides or loaning me a vehicle. 

Honestly, I was feeling bitter about it all, and I remember texting, quite angrily, "Ya know what? I'm just gonna learn to fix my own damn car, and then I won't have to deal with this anymore."

I don't recall if my friend replied or not, but suddenly, I had a legit light bulb moment.

I texted again, this time feeling triumphant and determined instead, "Ya know what?! I'm gonna learn to fix my own damn car! And I know I'm not the only woman in this position, so I'm going to learn to fix cars and I will help all the women!"

I had my new path. I was excited. I was nervous, but I was determined.

I jumped on Facebook - obviously - and wrote out a huge "Note" (ohmyheck I just found it here!) about my new plan. By the end of the day, friends' comments had me running my very own ladies-only auto shop and spa, where you could get your hair done while waiting for your oil change. 

I loved it. I had this amazing vision in my head of waltzing into mechanics' training my first day in a skirt and heels, just to be ironic and in-your-face about being a female in a male-dominated industry. I would use only pink tools, hire only women, and make a difference. I shared my ideas with my work community, asking for prayer and support.

(Note: There is actually a woman in Philadelphia who does this now and I would love to meet her someday. Check out her shop here!)

I started researching mechanic's schools in my area. I found several but time after time after time the kind of training I knew I'd need (which was all of it!) was only offered in Monday - Friday, 9am-5pm kind of programs. My vision deflated, as I knew I couldn't quit my job as my kids' only provider to go learn to fix cars.

A couple of months passed and I still couldn't shake this idea.

At the time, the church I attended had "Growth Groups", small groups that met regularly and were led by anyone who had a passion to share knowledge and build community. I thought it could be cool to host a monthly mechanic's gathering where my Single Mama friends could come get help with their cars. I would arrange the whole situation, and I could learn alongside those who were doing the work. I reached out to my church to ask the staff if they knew of any mechanics who attended. Shared my plan with them. They loved it but didn't know of anyone.

Hmmmm.

Still, the idea was in my heart and I just kept praying the Lord would guide me.

In February of 2011, the newest round of Growth Groups was offered and my jaw dropped when I read the title of one: "Does Your Life and Car Need a Tune-Up?"

Some dude I didn't know wanted to teach people how to fix their cars. They'd meet on Saturday afternoons at a shop in Bellevue, he'd share some devotions and tie it in with what he'd teach on the car.

I signed up immediately, excited. I jumped on Facebook - obviously - to see who this guy was. Greg Murphy. Engaged. Into cars and motorcycles. Hmmm. He didn't look familiar but we had two mutual friends. One of them was another guy that went to our church so that made sense. But the other was a woman I worked with! Small world. 

Kristie was actually the drama teacher at the school I worked at, and every day after school, 5th grade Jasper would hang out with her and the drama team until I was done for the day. I made a mental note to ask her how she knew this Greg guy the next time I saw her, logged off Facebook and continued working.

Not even an hour later, Kristie walked into my office, for the first time in the 2+ years I'd worked there. It was strange because our paths never actually crossed unless one of us went intentionally to see the other, and it was usually me heading to the stage to collect Jasper at the end of the day. But there she was, in my office, letting me know she had a great rental idea for my kiddos and I, and would we be interested? (We had actually just moved into some guy's basement and signed a 6 month lease, so we couldn't move yet, but eventually, the kids and I did move into the top part of a missionary lady's house and Kristi lived downstairs.)

I asked Kristie how she knew Greg, and as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I realized they had the same last name. 

"He's your brother!" I blurted out, laughing.

I told her I had just signed up for his Growth Group and I was excited. She shared that she'd meant to tell me about it after reading my emails about mechanic school, but she just hadn't gotten around to mentioning either of us to the other.

Huh. Interesting. The world got smaller again.

I eagerly awaited the day when group would start, and I showed up in my bright green coat and heels, just like I'd planned. I was actually the only person who showed up other than Greg and his friend Matthew, who was co-leading the group with him. I nervously shared my story and my plan with them, embarrassed when I got super emotional and cried in front of these two strange men.

Greg shared a devotion from Oswald Chambers, and then we got to work.

Right away we got the Blazer up on the hoist. My car had a horrible, ear-piercing screech that Greg diagnosed as a belt needing to be replaced. He gave me an air gun and safety glasses, and I removed the splash shield from the bottom of the car. Then we lowered the car back down, and he showed me how to remove the belt.

I felt...empowered. Yes. This was it. I had found what I was meant to do! My hands were greasy and I was sweaty but I was on my way to learning how to help other ladies and I couldn't be more excited. 

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Time's up for now!

Xoxo.