On January 25, 2015, Pastor
Ryan Meeks announced that Eastlake Community Church would be fully inclusive of the LGBTQ
community. After that, hundreds of people left the church, and ever since, the
pastor led us - or at least me - to believe that they all left because they
didn't want the LGBTQ community included in church.
In my experience, there’s
always been a veiled "us versus them" culture created at Eastlake. We
were the cool, progressive church who
did things how we pleased because we were enlightened, and those who disagreed
were old fashioned, hateful, and "threatened by our freedom" (this is
what my pastor told me in a text from the conversation mentioned in the last
blog post). But since the decision to be fully inclusive, that attitude has
ramped up considerably.
I've noticed a lot of time spent building up Eastlake as a community, as an entity to be loyal to. (This became clear to me when I finally realized I was still staying because I felt loyal to Ryan and the lovely humans I adored at Eastlake...rather than to Jesus.) A lot of time spent (whether it be on stage or via social media) creating an “in crowd” kind of feel. Lots of hashtags and slogans and group pics and public shout outs. Very recently they had a "Count Me In" campaign to see who was willing to commit to "moving Eastlake forward". Stories were shared on a regular basis the past few years about how much Eastlake had done for people, changed people…but from what I saw, not a lot about how God played into any of that.
Every so
often someone on stage would flippantly bring up a negative quote or review found
online about the church. It was always treated as a joke. They would call us the "1-star church" or
a cult, and I remember how we would all laugh together, smug and sure (was that just me?) about how we knew so much better than "they"
did.
"Just
tell them, 'It's worse than you think,'" was the frequent directive
from our pastor, when the topic of defending Eastlake and its behavior would
come up.
This phrase has run through my mind over and over the past couple of months, as I've discovered more dark details about the place I loved and trusted to lead me closer to Jesus. It truly is worse than I could’ve ever imagined.
When I think of it now, it's like that scene in Ace Ventura when he realizes that Einhorn is Finkel. *facepalm* I feel straight up played. I feel betrayed.
There's a
saying, "Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything."
This is exactly what is happening at Eastlake now. The scales that fell off my eyes have revealed a shockingly absurd theology, and one that can only be described as "emergent", which is a path that leads in the opposite direction of Jesus. “If it feels good, do it,” is not new or enlightened, but it’s the underlying message of everything being taught now at Eastlake.
While no
one wants to intentionally believe something that is just flat out wrong, we
will still often dig our heels into what we've chosen to believe, especially
when we are surrounded by people who agree. Because stronger than the feeling
of certainty, is the need to belong. The whole "us versus them/are you
in or out” mentality is incredibly powerful, incredibly persuasive. And if we
are not solidly grounded in our beliefs, we can be easily swayed by the crowd.
After experiencing this firsthand, I have a newfound compassion for people who
get sucked into cults.
I’m totally serious. It's a betrayal on so many levels.
Even with a nagging feeling in my gut that something was wrong for over a year, I couldn’t fathom not being a part of the Eastlake tribe. As someone who kinda likes rocking the boat, I definitely had some pride about being part of such a non-traditional, ballsy church. But since leaving, I can’t tell you how often I've felt sick to my stomach when it hits me again that I was "drinking the Kool-Aid" for so long. It's been incredibly humbling when I think of the attitude I had up until just a few months ago, of the things I said to people who reached out to me with concern. I've done quite a bit of apologizing.
I’m totally serious. It's a betrayal on so many levels.
Even with a nagging feeling in my gut that something was wrong for over a year, I couldn’t fathom not being a part of the Eastlake tribe. As someone who kinda likes rocking the boat, I definitely had some pride about being part of such a non-traditional, ballsy church. But since leaving, I can’t tell you how often I've felt sick to my stomach when it hits me again that I was "drinking the Kool-Aid" for so long. It's been incredibly humbling when I think of the attitude I had up until just a few months ago, of the things I said to people who reached out to me with concern. I've done quite a bit of apologizing.
Out of the many, many people I've talked to who left Eastlake before
us, I've had exactly zero of them share that they left for the reasons that our
former pastor led us to believe. Nobody I talked to left because they didn’t
want to go to church with gay people. (In fact, many people that have left fully support the inclusion decision, but couldn't get on board with taking God out of church.) Instead, every person mentioned some version
of how Jesus or God or the Bible was being removed and demoted. Every person
had a story very similar to ours, and to learn that the path had veered away long
before we'd realized it has truly shaken me.
Instead, former staff (both those who left on their own, as well as those who were let go) have shared their experiences of feeling emotionally manipulated and abused by the pastor. Secrets were demanded to be kept as staff who were fired were made to sign non-disclosure agreements before they'd receive a severance. I’ve learned that it was church policy to only invest in the lives of
the top 10% of
financial givers. I've recently heard of "Members Only Meetings" being held in secret. I remember during my internship several years back, though we
were choosing to work in a church (for free, mind you), our focus was always
business and leadership rather than God’s Word. We had quotas to meet and lists
of approved people we were supposed to offer special treatment to.
I’ve read tons of reviews online, going years back, sharing experiences that point to the pastors and staff reacting unlovingly
to those with questions on the church’s theology. I’ve even heard stories of people who’ve been mistreated and asked to leave the church because they questioned the theology. In a church that promotes asking
questions and doubting, it’s
shocking to learn of the hypocritical treatment of those who chose
to speak up when the teaching deviated from the Bible. Scriptures that used to flash on the screen between worship song lyrics have been replaced with quotes from numerous authors, TV's Mr. Rogers, and the leaders of other religions...including quotes by my former pastor. And the music now cannot be described as worship to God at all. Instead, they play songs about oneness with each other, of breathing love and meadowlarks.
I've listened as the teaching staff shared bizarre analogies of frogs that just made no
sense. They teach messages that stress the importance of unlearning and deconstructing everything we've ever
been taught, and then plant a seed of doubt about who Jesus is
("...maybe he didn't die on the cross for my sins..."). I’ve watched
as a woman I consider a friend shared a message about praying inwardly to herself, while
picturing some totem, and saw her roll her eyes numerous times, as if she
herself didn’t believe what she was saying (although chats with her since make it clear she does now). Where Jesus used to be the point (remember the old tag line? "Helping people find and follow Jesus"?), now the messages are a series
of spiritual-ish self-help TED Talks. They focus on being a “beneficial presence in the
world” (the new tag line), talking a lot about looking into ourselves for answers, praising the
pastor for his brave actions…but not about seeking Jesus.
And I
realize now that they've spent a long damn time slowly and methodically attempting
to discredit the Bible. They teach that instead of the inspired Word of God, it’s a
library of random ancient texts that bear no real weight in today’s world, but still has a few good points. Naturally, they teach this because if you’re going to
change the beliefs you’re teaching to a church so traditionally rooted in what
the Bible says, you have no choice but to try and make it seem irrelevant
first. Because now the pastor does not believe God is personal, but instead "god" is a cosmic unknowable being we are part of. Eastlake is teaching that there is
no hell beyond “knowing your truth and lacking the courage to live it” (a quote from the pastor), so that
there is no need to worry about any eternal implications of our actions here on
Earth. Eastlake has become a mecca for preaching about social activism, which is sneaky,
because taking care of people is absolutely the Lord’s work. But they’ve taken
the Lord out of it.
"Eastlake isn't for everyone," is still a common script, usually delivered with a shrug of the shoulders. Which seems like the opposite of including everyone and being the "church for the rest of us". In its own way, Eastlake has always had a very “our way or the highway” attitude. But I suppose if the pastor believes he answers to no one, this shouldn’t come as a surprise.
It’s heartbreaking that the church that was originally founded on the beliefs that I hold dear now instead promotes and celebrates confusion, and does so in the name of love, acceptance, and enlightenment. They've turned what God lovingly gave us as a choice (to accept Him or reject Him, each choice with its own consequences) into an intellectual debate, and if you dare say you believe that what the Bible says about Jesus is true, there's a perception that you're immature, un-evolved and haven't caught up yet. Suddenly God has become so very mysterious that we can't possibly understand Him, so ambiguity is valued over belief. They've taken faith completely out of the equation.
These
realizations are incredibly upsetting.
Tomorrow, I'll share a different perspective about that upworthy video that went
viral…
