A short
time ago, we had to make the painful decision to leave our church home, after
discovering we no longer agreed with the theology. I emailed a letter to 14 members of the staff, and got a reply
from 13 of them. All kind, all supportive, all encouraging us to follow our
hearts. But not a single staff member from our Christian church told me I was
wrong when I said we had to leave because they were demoting Jesus to a mystic
guru to emulate, instead of the Son of God to be worshipped. This was an
incredibly painful confirmation for us that leaving was the right
thing. I really wanted to be wrong.
Eastlake was our sacred place where, for 8 years, we worshipped Jesus (or thought we were), the place where we shared our faith and joy, sorrows and secrets, and poured in our time and money. I went through a divorce, started over, got remarried, experienced the death of my new husband's niece and nephew, and the birth and traumatic hospitalization of our daughter there. Having to leave such an important place to us has triggered a season of deep grief that I didn't expect, and certainly wasn't prepared for. The closest comparison I can come up with is that it's felt a lot like my divorce did 9 years ago. I know there were good
times, and beautiful relationships made, but to suddenly learn of the
indiscretions, the lies that have been told, and so many dark secrets that have
been going on behind the scenes overrides any goodness that was there.
Suddenly, all I can see is everything that's gone wrong, and the bad news just
keeps coming and coming. The past couple of months
have been an overwhelming torrent of new realizations that come like a punch in
the gut, each with a wave of fresh grief. It all feels like a lie.
For the sake of clarity, let me say that the intention of this post is threefold:
1. To help
process my own feelings and grief through this season.
2. To share
truth, because there are a lot of lies and twisted half-truths being shared at
Eastlake right now. To this end, I will be including lots of Scripture (as well
as other websites and a few songs), as links you can visit rather than embedded
within my text. (I do this because if you’re anything like I was a few months
ago, you’re completely turned off by Scripture right now, and I don’t want you
glazing over and not hearing what I have to say.)
3. To let
anyone else in a position like this (or who will be at some point) know they're
not alone. This road is a weary one, and I want to help ease the pain in any
way I can.
This isn’t going to be an easy read, and it’s definitely not easy to share. But
I’m trying to be quicker to be obedient when I feel the Lord’s nudging, because when I do, I find myself
stepping into His plan which is just SO.MUCH.BETTER than my plans are, ever.
That’s part of what this blog is. Writing this, and especially making it public
is pretty scary for me, not gonna lie. I stand to lose a lot more friends, and
I’m going to make people angry. But I believe this is a lot bigger than any of
that, and the ramifications of staying silent when I
have such big truths to share are way more detrimental than any hurt I may experience on this earth.
I hope,
though, that you’ll read my words through my lens: as someone who loves
Eastlake and its staff deeply and has a personal knowledge, history and
experience there; as someone who tries to love people with the love of Jesus;
and as someone who believes the Truth is important to point out when it’s being
misrepresented. No one appreciates being lied to. I share this out of
obedience, and I especially share this out of love.
Due to the
heavy nature of, as well as length of this post, I will be breaking it up into
a 6-part series, with one post being shared each day, starting today (this is the first one). It will
take some time to process.
Until tomorrow…
Xoxo.
