To follow is the letter I sent (on behalf of Greg and our whole family) to 14 members of the Eastlake Community Church staff on March 25th.
I share this now for two reasons:
1. It's something that I have most assuredly spent lots of time crying over since then.
2. My history with and love for the church is important to state, I think, given some things I need to share in the future.
Xoxo.
Dearest (14 individual names were listed here),
On Mother's Day 2009, I was a devastated, newly single Mama of two, new to the area and
desperate for connection. Going through a divorce, I was hurting and oh so vulnerable, and terrified to attend a new church alone. But I
felt the calling to check Eastlake out, and I remember the first time I stepped
in the doors, my heart breathed a sigh of relief.
I was
home.
From
my second time there, a message about committing to the church and not dating
it, I’ve been all in. I’ve gone through lots of seasons, ebbs and flows of how
plugged in I was, but I’ve always been for Eastlake.
The
people at Eastlake have been the hands of God in my life so many times
throughout the past few years. God used Eastlake to make my kids feel loved
when their father abandoned them. God used Eastlake to make me feel valuable
and worthy and protected and cared for when I was alone. I had an amazing
community of Single Mamas because of Eastlake. Through an Eastlake growth group
is how I met my incredible husband. And when we had a baby girl who died
briefly, our Eastlake community surrounded us in amazing ways.
For
the better part of the last decade, Eastlake has been our home. It’s where we
found and followed Jesus – like the slogan used to be, and learned a new way to
follow Him. It’s where we learned how to love people like Jesus does, rather
than acting out of fear of eternal damnation. It’s where my heart’s cry was
projected onto the screen during worship and I could sing and cry and feel God
oh so close to me. It’s where I learned how to make my faith in God my own
again.
For
all of these things, I am eternally grateful.
Over
the past year or so, there’s been a nagging sense deep in my gut that something
was…off. I’ve ignored it for a long time, out of fear, out of a need to stay
where I was. Over the past few months, I’ve experienced more confusion than I
can remember as I’ve sought to unpack and uncover and unlearn everything I ever
knew to be true.
This
has been a painful and terrifying process, to say the least. But for the first
time in my life, I have actively engaged in conversations with people who
disagreed with me, rather than running away. I have had hard conversations with
people strongly opposed to my new ways of thinking, and have done so in a kind
and respectful manner. I have read and thought and talked and cried and
struggled.
And I
realized…it’s been a while since I truly prayed. It’s been a while since I
truly spent time with Jesus.
So I
started praying. Praying for wisdom, for clarification, for answers.
Ryan,
you told me recently, “Trust your heart. Your inner goodness already knows what
is beautiful, right and true.”
I
believe you. And so with deep sadness, I have to tell you, I can no longer work
out my faith journey at Eastlake.
As
Greg and I have talked and prayed and studied together, it’s become more and
more clear that we are no longer in the right place for the path we’d like to
be on. Jesus is being phased out of Eastlake. Oh, He’s being emulated and that,
we love and admire and long to participate in. But He’s also being demoted to
little more than a great, mystic teacher, and that is where we need to stop,
turn around, and find the path again that our hearts are meant to be on.
Our
family has been shown nothing but love by each of you over the years, and we
love each of you so much in return. At one point or another, we’ve shared
important seasons of life with some of you. We are absolutely crushed to be
leaving our church home. Eastlake has ruined us for any other churches and
while we trust the Lord will lead us to our next right place, we will be
grieving deeply for a long damn time.
You
know I’m crying while I write this.
Thank
you for all you’ve poured into our family through your work at Eastlake. We
will keep you in our prayers, sweet friends, and we will miss you.
Xoxo.
Jaime,
Greg, Jasper, Teiley and Quinleigh
